You Got a Partner – But Not Always a Companion

A Brutal Reality Check on Desi Marriages

“You can share a bed with someone and still feel like you’re sleeping alone.”
– Anonymous truth from every emotionally starved spouse in a ‘functioning’ marriage

They say shaadi is beautiful.
They didn’t tell you it can be beautifully lonely too.

In Pakistan, we glorify marriage like it’s some DIVINE solution to everything… mental health, loneliness, social status, and parental anxiety. What no one tells you is:

You get a partner, not a companion

You wanted someone to dream with.
You got someone who sleeps beside you and scrolls Instagram while you stare at the ceiling, silently drowning.

You’re emotionally bleeding, and they say:

“Yeh sab tumhare dimaag ka masla hi nahi.”

No curiosity. No emotional safety. And forget emotional intelligence. Just default settings:
“Be mature!”
“Chhoti baat ko bada bana diya,”
“Main tou kaam se thak gaya hoon.”

“The worst kind of loneliness is when you’re with someone who makes you feel alone.”
– Robin Williams

In desi shaadis, love is optional – logistics are mandatory

Roti ban rahi hai?
Kapray dhul gaye?
Sasural walay khush hain?
Ap ki Zuban Control mein hain?
Toh shaadi theek chal rahi hai. Right?

CUTE! You’re emotionally starving. But no one sees that. Because you’re “functioning.”

“In our culture, we don’t marry people. We marry expectations, reputations, pressure, degrees, and obviously Paisa.”

Nobody asks if you’re happy.
They ask if you’ve learned to keep your MOUTH SHUT!

You get surface-level conversations – not soul-level connection

You wanted someone to talk about fears, growth, purpose.
You got someone who talks about how you reacted in front of his family because you were exhausted.

You’ll say: “I feel like I’m losing myself.”
They’ll say: “Tumhara tou roz ka hogaya hai.”

“Some people hear you. Others just wait for their turn to speak.”
– Stephen Covey

You’re constantly interrupted by phones, relatives, silence, ego.
It’s not a marriage. It’s a silent competition of who cares less.

You can’t dream freely anymore

You want to launch a business?
“No, it’s not stable.”

You want to study again?
“Log kya kahenge, bachay karo ab tou unki parhnay ki umer hai.”

You want to travel solo?
“Hamaray han larkiyan …..”

Marriage in our society often means shrinking yourself until you fit into someone else’s version of a ‘so-called acceptable version.’

And so you begin to quietly abandon parts of yourself.
First your career. Then your voice. Then your life.

You’ll fake peace to avoid fights

You learn to stay quiet to “keep things normal.”
You laugh off taunts that make you sad.
You smile in family photos, knowing that you cried the night before.

Because if you raise your voice, you’re ungrateful.
If you stay silent, you’re cold.

“You start faking peace so much that you forget what actual peace feels like.”

Marriage becomes a performance and you become Deepika Padukone & Nora Fatehi but with no audience.

You’ll stop asking to be understood

At first, you’ll try to explain how you feel.
But every time you’re dismissed, mocked, or told “you’re too sensitive,” something inside you dies.

Eventually, you stop expressing.
Not because you’re okay –
But because you’re tired of asking to be heard in your own home.

“The silence in a relationship isn’t always peaceful – sometimes it’s just exhausted surrender.”

Your love will turn into management

You’ll stop looking forward to them coming home.
You’ll just hope they don’t bring stress with them.

You’ll stop waiting for good days.
You’ll just pray for fewer bad ones.

Marriage becomes less about romance, more about damage control.

“Not every marriage ends in divorce. Some end in emotional funerals with no ceremony.”

You’ll begin to crave things you shouldn’t need to beg for

A conversation that feels real.
A compliment.
A question like, “How are you really?”
Someone who looks at you, not past you.
A hand to hold when you feel like falling apart.
Someone to prioritize you!

These shouldn’t be luxuries.
But in most marriages, they are!

“We all deserve someone who chooses to know us – deeply, daily, and without agenda.”

What’s the point of marriage, if it costs your soul?

Shaadi should be companionship; not co-existence with cultural approval.

Don’t settle for a body that warms the bed but chills your heart.
Don’t sacrifice dreams just to wear a jora and get Facebook likes.
And please!!!! don’t call it love if it feels like loneliness with a time table.

If you want just a “partner,” society has millions to offer.
If you just want a kid or two or ten, society has orphanages.
If you just want someone to do house chores, hire a maid from ‘Sukhi Zindagi.’

But if you want a companion – someone who listens when you’re silent, who respects your chaos, who roots for your growth – you’ll need to wait. Choose. Demand.

Because emotional starvation is just as real as physical hunger.
And a house without a connection is just an expensive cage.

“Marry someone who feels like home, not like survival.”
Or otherwise, don’t get married! If you can’t find YOUR person!